Zagato
by Damashi
Summary: Why must she love a world so much that there is no room in her heart for me? My own heart could not answer that question.


I wrote this a very long time ago, back when I was obsessed with Rayearth, so the writing style may very well leave much to be desired.  It stemmed from a fascination with Zagato, the way he seemed the perfect villain until the end when he suddenly was simply misunderstood.  I studied his character and, to make it short, fell in love.  Hence, this, based solely on the manga.

Zagato 

It always struck me as perplexing and slightly amusing how no one ever seems really satisfied with his or her age.  The children always seem to see size and age as enviable dominance while the adults forever wish to be younger.  In all places, it is not uncommon to find youngsters masquerading as those older than they.  I admit I felt like them once, but never so strongly as some.  As a child, I was happy to run through the grass without any cares upon me, or wrestle often with my brother.  "Little Lantis," I called him despite his protests, and the name stuck.  No matter how tall he grew, or how many years passed, he was always my little brother.  I used the nickname until he was nearly one hundred and fifty.  It wasn't long before he became more than just a younger sibling, though.  He grew to be a man with a strong, passionate heart concealed beneath an armor-like front.  Some feared him for that, but I found it good to have him there.  He would listen when I chose to voice my thoughts and sometimes added his own reflective musings.  

As we grew older still, our young, impulsive lives began to fall into their own roads.  I did not become a warrior as I had dreamed once.  That was for Lantis.  In fact, he eventually rose to be Cail, head of guards for Princess Emeraude, our Pillar herself.  I also found myself in her service, but in a different way.  I became her High Priest, the one who watched over her, protected her, and kept distractions from her mind.  Sometimes there seemed so much to do, keeping her palace in order, preserving its beauty and purity.  At other times, I had nothing to do but watch her from afar or talk with Lantis.  Even then, he was still Little Lantis to me; he always will be.  

Life was tranquil for the most part.  Emeraude's will was so strong there was almost no danger in anything.  I found it almost bewitching how her golden hair rippled around her with almost a life of its own, or how her deep eyes would sometimes seem to rest on me longer than on anyone else about.  Perhaps I should have found different things to do in my empty times than watch her so often.  Wisdom does not always come with age.  

One afternoon, she approached me softly.  "Zagato," she said softly, "may I request that you join me for dinner?  The presence of another helps dispel my fears of shadows."

I studied her sweet, gentle face, noticing the ever-present touch of sadness in those eyes.  "Why?  You often dine alone with no difficulty at all."

She averted her eyes and blushed.  "Please?"

I smiled slightly, resisting the urge to brush my fingers through her fair hair.  "All right."

*

            I believe the meal consisted mainly of luscious fruits, but I barely noticed.  All I saw in the candlelight was Emeraude, her hair, her eyes, her lips, her agile hands.  All I heard was her voice, sweet and melodious, making the sounds of delicate silverware seem like worthless clanking.  I drank no wine because of my position as priest, but I left that night feeling intoxicated.   Although she was older than I, she seemed so much younger and so innocent.  It made her radiantly beautiful.  Her will power kept her from aging at the normal speed.  Her heart, however, only seemed to take advantage of the extra time to grow stronger and more compassionate.  I, who had never been given to displaying much emotion, found myself admiring her gentle qualities.  

            After that, the dinner invitations came more and more frequently.  Sometimes, I would come slightly early or linger afterwards and we would sit together in the quiet.  Once I dared to twine my fingers in hers.  She shivered faintly, but would not let me withdraw my hand.  I had never known any human skin could be so soft.  We must have looked like such a visual paradox, sitting there together: her, with her golden, rippling tresses and white, flowing dress; and me with my dark, straight hair and heavy black robes encrusted in devices and gems.  I heard someone once describe us as "a summer's day dancing with a winter night."  Comments like that made me sigh wistfully inside.  I would have loved to dance with her, but it could never have been allowed.  For the Pillar's priest to be so blatantly familiar with her would have been unthinkable.  It made me angry to think that I could never really admit I loved her, and that she could never love me.  Such actions had the potential to crumble Cephiro into a void.  

            Emeraude must have realized the same.  Abruptly, she stopped inviting me to dinner and began avoiding me as much as possible.  I understood, of course, but it hurt all the same.  I approached her once, as she stood on one of the great staircases, and bowed, my robes sweeping the stone floor.  "Princess," I said softly.  "Do you hate me now?"  I knew that it wasn't true, but I had to ask just to hear her speak to me again.  It didn't work.  Her already mournful eyes grew wide, and her hand covered her mouth.  I watched as tears threatened to spill over, and then she fled in a whirl of gossamer cloth and gleaming hair.  

*

            Not long after, word reached me that she had left her usual castle for the water palace.  It was obvious she didn't want me to follow.  I went anyway, but out of respect for my love, I did not go near where she stayed.  Instead, I contented myself with gazing into the mirror pool and occasionally speaking to my servants as they waited, restless, behind their curtains of liquid.  I think it was those days that I missed Lantis the most.  He had left Cephiro long ago for another world.  Autozam, I think it was called.  Despite my loneliness, though, part of me was happy.  Maybe somehow time could heal things and everything would go back to how it used to be.  Those faint hopes, as empty as they were, kept me going for a while.  Then, a sudden blow crushed them at last.  Emeraude summoned the Magic Knights.  I, as her high priest, knew the legend of course, and it chilled me to know that she was so desperate she no longer wanted to live.  

            I still loved her, of course, but perhaps her actions tinged my love with anger, for soon I was working as best I could to put an end to the children she had called.  I sent Alcione first, knowing that with her heart bound to me, she could be strong in her battles.  Unfortunately, she was also a fool.  Underestimating the Magic Knights both times, she failed to prevent them from meeting Presea (and acquiring that rubber marshmallow of a guide, Mokona) and also allowed them to reach Eterna.  I destroyed her immediately.  Next went Ascot, the Palu child of incredible impudence.  I did not particularly like or dislike him, but I thought his monsters could be useful.  Unfortunately, children fighting children turned out to be more of children making friends with children.  Gardenia went next, but like Ascot, did not have the willpower to resist their empathetic talking.  

            As the Knights traveled to the third shrine, I paid Emeraude a visit via magic orb.  When I saw her first, she was crouched on the ground; tears trickling slowly but steadily down her pale face.  "Do you suffer?" I asked, unhappy at seeing her so disheartened.

            She turned those bewitching eyes on me.  "Stop…please…Zagato…"

            I stood impassive, my heart racing inside.

            "If you don't stop, Cephiro—the whole world—will truly face destruction!"

            I bit my lip.  She wanted never to see me again.  "My heart will not change," I told her truthfully.  She did not deserve to be lied to.  "If this world should turn to dust…  If all who live here should pass away…  My heart will not change."  I looked into her horrified eyes.  "Emeraude."

            She winced as I spoke her name, but made no protest.

            "The Sea-god Celes…  The Wind-god Windom…  Those girls from another world have awakened two of the Spirits from their long slumber…  Leaving only one…the red spirit that rests in the shrine of fire."  She must have known this already, I'm sure, but I told her anyway, working up to my main point.  I pulled my cloak to the side, revealing he who stood behind me.  She gasped in surprise and more than a little horror.  

            "It's…Lafarga!"

            "That's right.  Lafarga, Captain of the Inner Guard, sworn to protect you!  Although, with your heart's support, there was no war in Cephiro.  The Inner Guard was commissioned to subdue the monsters that occasionally appeared…  Do you believe that these girls you summoned to become Magic Knights will survive against the strongest of all warriors, Dal Lafarga?"

            She clutched her hands.  "Noo!  Stop, Lafarga!  You mustn't!"

            "It's no use," I sighed.  "I already cast a spell to control his heart."  Sometimes it could be so hard, trying to save the one I loved.  

            "How could you?!"

            I turned from the orb, unable to look at her face any longer.  Concealing my wounded soul, I gazed at the half man before me, the one who no longer knew his own heart.  "Go!  Lafarga!  And return to this castle with the heads of those Magic Knights!"  

            Even with my back turned, I could still hear Emeraude's plaintive cries.  "Please don't!  Lafarga!!  LAFARGA!!"  She collapsed sobbing as I waved the orb into nothingness.  She did not know that with every tear that fell from her eyes, my heart cracked farther in two.  I didn't ever mean to hurt her.  I simply could not let those otherworlders come and destroy her while I stood by.  She didn't know that when the orb was gone, and Lafarga departed, I stood by the mirror pool, the pain spilling from my eyes as well, the salty drops trickling down the crests on the front of my robes and splashing into the water.  

*

            To my disappointment, the Magic Knights survived what was nearly a deadly battle with Lafarga, and gained the third and last spirit.  My heart lightened in spite of it all, though, for now I would be able to face them in battle myself.  I had a slight advantage too.  They did not know I possessed a spirit of my own, and this one I created myself.  Its construction drained my soul's energy, inflicting suffering I could barely endure.  I underwent it all, though, reasoning that to live without Emeraude would be worse than living without a soul.  I waited behind the great mirror, motionless, observing as the Knights approached.  As soon as they broke through, the battle started in earnest.  I resisted the urge to laugh pityingly.  These children did not even know what they fought for.  They thought they were there to save Emeraude, the misled youngsters.  

            We clashed with shouted spells and exchanged blow after devastating blow.  As their spirits smoldered, I voiced my thoughts at last.  "The legend will not come to pass.  With this hand, I will crush the Magic Knights!"  

They staggered under my magic, but refused to fall.  Poor fools, _they_ tried to tell me what was happening.  They thought _I_ had forced Emeraude into seclusion.  "If she doesn't pray for Cephiro's peace, this world will come apart!"

            They were so deceived…  I decided I had time to bandy words with these inexperienced warriors.  "Why must the princess pray for Cephiro's peace?"

            They stopped, the question taking them by surprise.  "Huh?"

            I took advantage of the pause to attack.  "Why must Princess Emeraude pray for Cephiro's peace?  _Deablo!  Silver death!_"

            The assault hit them without mercy.  "What…do you mean…?" the red Knight managed to stammer.  

            "Cephiro's Pillar has no freedom," I told them freely.  "She may only pray for the peace of this world.  Why must Emeraude live chained to the fate of the Pillar?"  I couldn't say what my heart was really asking.  _Why must she love a world so much that there is no room in her heart for me?_  

Even as I launched another overwhelming attack, I saw the Knights rallying.  Combining their powers in a final attempt, they retaliated simultaneously.  The Light Spiral hit me full on, and I felt the empty shell of my soul shatter.  My very armor melted away, leaving me with a strangely light and free feeling.  I had never been without my heavy decorated outfit, and suddenly I understood how a soul could leave a body and take flight.  As the anguish turned into darkness, I could not help but smile sadly.  Maybe this was how it was supposed to be.  "Emer…aude…  Please…be free…" I murmured as I fell.  It felt strange to be dying and know that no one would mourn you.  Lantis would not hear of this for a long time, and when he did…well, my brother was always virtually emotionless.  Maybe Emeraude would weep, but as I vanished in defeat and the Magic Knights entered the castle, I knew she would not cry long.  

Owari


End file.
